Dating Violence

The Office of Prevention is committed to providing confidential support to any student who may be experiencing any form of domestic or dating violence as well as their friends and peers. You deserve to know your options, campus resources, and be listened to.
Interpersonal Violence

Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power and control over a current or former dating partner.听Anyone can be impacted by domestic and dating violence. Individuals across different races, genders, sexual orientations, economic backgrounds, educational levels, and other social factors can experience dating violence.听It is never your fault.

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All relationships live on a spectrum. It is important to understand that as culture shifts, new terms such as 鈥渢oxic鈥� are used to reflect harmful behaviors that听can fall under either abusive or unhealthy. Remember that abuse relies on a pattern of power and control and unhealthy relationships reflect attempts at control.听.听听

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Whether you鈥檙e in a relationship or just thinking about dating, remember your rights:

  • You have the right to privacy, both online and off.
  • You have the right to feel safe and respected.
  • You have the right to decide who you want to date or not date.
  • You have the right to choose when/if you have sex and who you have sex with.
  • You have the right to say no at any time (to sex, to drugs/alcohol, to a relationship), even if you鈥檝e said yes before.
  • You have the right to hang out with your friends and family and do the things that you enjoy, without your partner getting jealous or controlling.
  •  You have the right to leave a relationship that isn鈥檛 right or healthy for you.
  • You have the right to live free from violence and abuse.

Source: 

Controlling Behaviors:

  • Tries to prevent partner from spending time with their family or friends
  • Tells their partner how to dress
  • Buys their partner anything as a method of control
  • Threatens to spread rumors if partner doesn鈥檛 do what they wants
  • Tells their partner where to live, either on or off campus
  • Prevents their partner from participating in sports or other extracurricular activities
  • Prevents their from going to study groups
  • Tells their partner what classes to take

Verbal or Emotional Abuse:

  • Threatens to kill themselves if their partner stops seeing them
  • Threatens to hurt partner if they break up
  • Threatens to hurt their partner (hit, slap, choke, punch, kick) when angry
  • Makes insulting comments to their partner
  • Tries to humiliate or intimidate their partner

Physical Abuse:

  • Hurts (hit, slap, choke, punch, kick) partner when angry
  • Makes partner fear for their safety

Abuse via Technology:

  • Demands passwords
  • Checks partners phone, texts, and e-mail messages
  • Frequent calls and texts partner鈥檚 cell phone to check up on their partner
  • Shares or threatens to share private or embarrassing pictures or videos of their partner

Sexual Abuse:

  • Pressures partner into having sex or engaging in sexual activity when they don鈥檛 want to

Forced Substance Abuse:

  • Pressures partner into drinking alcohol or taking drugs when they don鈥檛 want to

Stalking:

  • Repeatedly watching, following, monitoring or harassing a partner or ex-partner
  • Stalking can occur on-line or in person and may or may not include the giving of unwanted gifts

Financial abuse:

  • Taking or withholding money from a partner
  • Prohibiting a partner from earning or spending their own money

Sources:  and 

For more on the relationship spectrum, please visit Love is Respect for more . Love is Respect also provides these resources to help people navigate and better understand relationship dynamics.

Dating violence occurs when one partner gains power and control over the other. This occurs more than once, typically in a pattern, across a period of time.

  • Over half of all college students (57%) say it鈥檚 difficult to identify dating abuse.
  • 38% of college students say they don鈥檛 know how to get help for themselves if they experience dating abuse as a victim.
  • 58% of college students say they don鈥檛 know what to do to help someone who is a victim of dating abuse
  • For additional data, please visit the .

*It is important to note that statistics may only represent reported cases and only provide a part of a larger story.

According to the , "Leaving is not easy. On average, it takes a victim   to leave before staying away for good. Exiting the relationship is most unsafe time for a victim. As the abuser senses that they鈥檙e losing power, they will often act in dangerous ways to regain control over their victim." 

Every survivor's journey is unique and presents its specific obstacles. If you鈥檙e contemplating leaving an abusive relationship or struggling in one that you cannot leave, consider contacting the Office of Prevention and Advocacy or other resources. If you are a friend supporting someone who is contemplating leaving an abusive relationship, remember to actively listen and pass resources such as . 

The Office of Prevention and Advocacy recognizes that in order to end dating violence, all parties deserve specialized services and care. In order to engage with this form of recovery, individuals must be open to . You don't need to explore this alone 鈥� OPA is available for you.

  • Learn about domestic violence so that you can help recognize unhealthy or abusive behaviors.
  • Do not support your friend鈥檚 attempt to justify or minimize the severity of his/her/their behavior.
  • Only if you feel completely safe in doing so, suggest that your friend considers seeking professional help is another way to support them in changing.
  • Remind them that change will create a healthier relationship for both partners.
  • Stay in touch and support the abuser over the long term  while they make changes in their abusive behavior.